dazensquad_books_of_awesomenessfandomcom-20200214-history
HowToDealWithYourFurniture
How to deal with your furniture Is your furniture being really annoying? Just read all of these! Stupid fridge You Fridge, Why you have to be so dumb? See that annoying fridge in the kitchen, he's called Garry, I really hate him. He's rude and never lets us get to the burgers. The burgers are stuck in the back and every time we want them for dinner, Garry complains that we are hurting his stomach. So we had to get all the food we could reach and put them in the freezer. His name was George. But he was a very bad replacement. He was twice as bad, he would not let us get the ice cream and the burgers! Soon we ran out of desserts to have after dinner. We were poor. We were running out of food, places for food and money. "This is a very bad thing!" said a guy who was looking through the window. Soon we all starved to death. The End. Dumb freezer You may have read Stupid fridge, but if you haven't, what the hell are you doing here, go back up! If you did, then you know of 'GEORGE THE FREEZER'! But he did not let us get any ice cream or any burgers. After the death of that family he went to another family. The Stupidbananas. They thought that George would be a great replacement for their old freezer, Fred. Fred did not like this so he vowed to kill George. But Mr. Stupidbanana thought we would be friends. He also thought that we would give each other frozen goods. He gave me a hit on the head with a bag of frozen peas, and I gave him a giant brain freeze. Mr. Stupidbanana did not like this at all so he made us both give each other an ice cream. We made sure it was really really hot. We jumped up and crashed into the roof. George and Fred both died. Awesome couch I can't believe we've got an awesome couch like Steve all comfy and soft. If only our dumb fridge was like you. Hey I found a coin under the couch. Score! The couches name was Steve, Steve the meve. Yes I know that meve isn't a word but we had to think of something that rhymes with Steve. I really hope that meve doesn't take any offence to anyone named Steve. (because it's not supposed to!) One day a man who I didn't know sat on me. He had a large bottom and dark blue jeans but I didn't get to see his face because he was sitting on me! I was mad, very mad at this guy, I could just hear his deep voice talking to the StupidBananas, my owners. He stood up and left, and I never saw him again. Selfish air conditioning Why is that dumb air conditioning stealing all the warm air, So selfish. There house was so cold. In fact so cold that their were icicles growing off the roof. The only place to stay warm was the- well-they didn't really have any warm place to go after all. So they attempted murder on the air conditioning. She grabbed a knife and walked closer and closer to him. Then the cops crashed down the door. Stop you're under arrest for attempting murder on a piece of technology you have the right to remain silent. But- but- see you in court you technology kidnapper. At court!!!! Dalnailoooou. so am I correct you tried to smash a piece of technology. Um not reall- no I'm the judge did you or did you not attempted murder on john (johns the air conditioning.) no sir no I did not we have 3 witnesses in the room your honor please stand up witness 1. Ok I saw her grab a knife and tried to kill john your honor. I see very interesting. Witness 2. Please stand up. I saw it too her with the knife. Thanks witness 2. Witness 3 stand up please. Same I saw her do it. Thank you witnesses. I would like to hire a lawyer, you already have a lawyer. Oh never mind. Guilty. You are going away for along time missy. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! .........silence...... Day.24....I've already....gone......mad....please....help....me The end.... To be continued. Dopey table An original idea by STEVE! Dope Dopey Dope Dope, A Dope dope dope a dope do- "SHUT UP YOU STUPID DOPEY TABLE!" Sorry. "Come on we have only a small bit of the book to explain about you." Yes Sir! Now I am a dopey table. I have many stories about me but once my Mum (a human who is quite old) put a stack of books on me and I ate them all! I really had to say 'Dope.' Okay? ARE YOU HAPPY DOPE!? "Yes table now for the story with the couch." Oh yeah once I spat spitballs at the couch. He was SO mad he wanted to knock me over but he was so lazy he said he couldn't be bothered. I am surprised that he was bothered to say that. Anyway we have limited space so we will need to finish up. Bye! Evil TV Stupid Television always hiding the remote. I really wish he didn't hide the ONLY remote. What really sucks is that he his ALWAYS turning on himself in the middle of the night. One night we were trying to sleep and he played Ted on himself. That was sooooooooooooooooooo Annoying. I was sleeping on the couch and I got the blame for playing Ted! The swearing was Soooooooooooooo loud! It even brought the neighbours around! Anyway he also smashed the DVD player! That Blue Ray was soooooooooooo Expensive! And he thought it was FUNNY!? Anyway that's all the time we have for...THE EVIL TELEVISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loud Door My name is Jeff. REFERENCE! Now that's a laugh. If you don't get that reference Where have you been? 22 jump street reference! (Or is it 21 jump street. I'm honestly not sure). Anyway this door leading from the dining room to the lounge is called Jeff. As I just exclaimed at the start of the story. I MEAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU NEED TO SAY JEFF, JEFF! My name is JEFF. SHUT UUUPP!!!! This new guy, um, Jeff is really getting on my nerves. STOP SLAMMING THE DOOR FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!!! Well with all this SHOUTING Jeff wasted all the time of the story My name is Jeff. OH COME ON!!!! The annoying (but smart) Shelf Now as a fact of my friend George he always comes up to me and says did you know bladebladeblaaaaa (means something smart) it is so annoying he's not even that smart. Well same goes to the shelf. I'll hand the phone over to the shelf. Hi my names Seton. I'm Extremely smart. In fact so smart that I'm smarter than Stephen Hawking. Ok Seton enough with the smart business. I am soo smart. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart. STOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry to break it to you but- but what. But but you're NOT SMART. I thought we were friends. I'm leaving. I wonder where he went. Well that's about all we have time for. See you soon bye. Cheerful Chairs We have chairs, not just any chairs but we have: Rob, Nob, Bob and Lob. They all stand around Toby the table. Rob's annoying he always bites my bum when I sit on him, Nob complains that I fart too much (I ❤️ beans), Bob is just happy although a little too hard at times and Lob, well Lob... I can't really say anything about him, he went missing (I don't know how). This must end now Robs complaining that it's too long. Friendly Pillows I am so glad we have such an awesome pillow. OMG THERE IS TWO! And now there is Four! Okay they have stopped cloning so we have Four. These four happy pillows are very helpful and soft. Their names were Ned, Ted, Fred, and Bed (Of course, a pillow is called bed!) These four are super adventurous and super kind. They once went on an adventure too talk to the cushions. They said they were too similar so all the pillows now have rainbow pillow cases. They even change colour! So now our owners sleep on colour-changing pillows but our owners don't know. So please don't tell them! "We already know." ARHHHHHHH! We need to get out of here! Help me Ned! No help me Fred! I need help, guys! We all do, Bed! Hey Ted can you get us out of here? Yup. Everyone get on the Rocket! Wait, Ted you have a Rocket!? Yup. Now hop on! But that means we need to leave the cushions behind. Never mind them, Hop on. Oh all right. Weeeeeeee! This roller coaster is fun! Is this the end? No! Stay tuned for the next story! The Annoyed Cushions Previously in the story...Everyone get on the Rocket! We need to leave the Cushions behind! This Roller coaster is fun! Hello! I am Jacob. I am joined by my two closest friends, James and Jessica! Now we need to talk about those Pillows. They left us behind! We need to get revenge! Who's with me? Me! Me too! Now how to get a rocket? Take out the gas? Yes that's a good idea, James! Now let's go! Dalnailoooou! Wait, how are we going to get that rocket? That's why they invented Ranged weapons. Like the Bazooka! Is it really why they invented ranged weapons, Jacob? Of course not, you Idiot. BOOM!!!!!!What's that? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's a rocket that wants to destroy us! Wait, what!? We're going Down! Damn! Hey look a Plane! Oh that's just a remote control one, Ted. Well then that's a very big remote control plane, Fred. Anyway we have to cut this story ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) How to deal furniture Now everyone is saying these aren't telling you how to deal with your furniture when they're being annoying so I made a story called how to deal furniture in the book how to deal with your furniture. This book will give you a few quick tips on how to take on annoying-ness in your house. 1. You must have a table right? (Unless you're a homeless guy) well tables can be annoying sometimes so just give it some food and it probably will shut right up. 2. This is for a smart annoying shelf. He will be talking non-stop about science or some other subject so just give it a book and he well stop. Well I'm sorry you're probably disappointed that I only did 2 tips. But I did say at the start a few quick tips. "See ya later in the next book" Thank you for reading our 12 story's of how to deal with your furniture! Now for the Credits (Urg!) Creator of Stupid Fridge, Dumb Freezer, Dopey Table, Evil TV, Friendly Pillows, Annoyed Cushions and Editor of Some other stories. TheTrueSkillz Creator of Awesome Couch, Selfish air conditioning, Loud Door, The annoying (but smart) shelf and How to deal furniture. Zenboss Creator of Cheerful chairs and Editor of Some other stories. Fuzzy Cheese Try our other stories. The Adventures of Mooshroom and Pooshroom Terraria 1: The Noobscrub Adventures And from TheTrueSkillz Planet Unisoda Planet Unisoda: Back to space (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞